How Do We Live Fully When There Is Pain And Turmoil?
When we are in love, or in the midst of desire, or our lives are filled with joy and enthusiasm. But what about when you’re in pain? How can you live from desire, even in challenging times?
Love and joy cause our bodies to release the hormone, Oxytocin. I had a conversation with my friend the other day who told me that she completely forgot about entire areas of her life that she had previously cared about. I ignored the cat for months after I gave birth to my daughter. It’s that powerful. It changes our reality completely.
But what about when you’re in pain?
When the cat has died, when you fear about the future, when you don’t love your body, when you are seemingly trapped by circumstance?
Well, you are still accountable for everything you experience. How you choose to perceive your life, your body, your situation is sometimes the only recourse you have. Is it fair? No, fairness doesn’t come into it. It is a natural law, and you can’t argue with it.
how can we be present, even in grief?
The past few days here in Herceg Novi have been surrounded with death and sadness - a 13 year old boy was taken by the waves late at night when he was out with his friends. They haven't found him yet. The town is still holding its breath. Montenegro is like a giant family. Also a cat we have seen grow up from a kitten in the past year choked on a piece of meat and died. And I watched my daughter’s grief at realising she wouldn’t see him again - I also experienced it in my body. My dear body, which is in pain a great deal lately. A doctor here tells me I am insulin resistant and must eat as he says or I will be in BIG TROUBLE (his exact words).
“One who enters the forest doesn’t turn back when hearing twigs breaking in the bushes”
(Zambian proverb)
So how the F**** do you live from DESIRE at those times? The beginning is to BE WHERE YOU ARE AT NOW. EXACTLY. Nowhere else. Because I am living my life from this potent force (you have it too), I have a stream of awareness telling me: you don’t need to do anything. You can relax. It’s ok. And then I have a rush of pleasure throughout my entire body: my loins my toes my heart. And it’s our responsibility to do this, and BE this, especially when life is hard. To remain in question, to refuse simple answers and statements, to remain breathless, expectant and ready to be delighted...at some point.
We just have to put one foot in front of the other at these times and not react to the present, just experience it and let it go - the future is far more potent. No one will do it for us.
We actually don’t need to DO anything
We do stuff to make us feel in control. We could do less. We could choose happy. We could leave the house in a mess on those days (did you SEE my bedroom on the live with Polly Christopher Garcie yesterday?? Even I was shocked!).
I have been battling of late. Going into the past to examine and ‘figure out’. Feeling wrong because nothing makes sense anymore. This is an intense pattern throughout my life also the pattern of nearly everyone who is drawn to me.
If you’re trying to figure out how to ‘solve’ something - STOP.
“If you are solving a problem and you don’t know how to solve it, then that is the solution”
(African Proverb)
The sacred space of transition
Instead, perhaps you can be a crucible for the turmoil. Maybe you can be curious about the very laws of creation that insist we let go of all landmarks to bring something new into the world. Maybe in your time of confusion, you can remember the very act of birth - the transition phase - where women feel as if they will fail, they may as well give up; some even consider ‘going home’ and forgetting all about it! So divorced from their original purpose by the turmoil and confusion.
So if this is you, know that you are in a sacred space.
We can just be us now. Our lives unfold from our deep desires - not our hopes, wishes, or intellect… it could be time to step out of the way and move to that rhythm, float in THAT stream. You know, you’re not going to die, but maybe you need to be willing to die, rather than live as less than the full expression of all you are capable of being.
So where are you now? Can you open to all of it? This week, I began a ‘mini’ TRUE GRIT on the topic of “Living From Desire” (I forgot that TG is NEVER mini!). Each day some new aspect has presented itself for my expansion, to transmute every area of my life that I’m not being present with and that needs transforming to bring me greater pleasure. And most importantly: to really live, with every fibre of my being.
The solution is to BE ALL OF IT
To ALLOW all of it.
To enter a higher space, to go into the godhood within and, unfortunately for us control freaks: TRUST entirely and LET GO. Luckily, despite all evidence to the contrary, the more afraid and controlling you are - the greater your capacity for letting go.
TURMOIL is the beginning of the new - what has never existed before, and you are perfectly placed to birth it now.
- Jessica Summers, April 2023 -
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